Acceptance

“Allow yourself to be where you are”

As a Carer, who are we? What is our purpose and identity? It feels like a lifetime ago that I thought about and planned things like dinner parties and social outings, hair-cuts and lazy Sunday ‘sleep-ins’. I know and appreciate that this generally comes hand in hand with having been blessed with children, but as a parent and caregiver when do we get this back? When do we see that glimmer of light for things to return to as they once were? When do we get a full nights sleep without having one eye and ear open in case of a vomiting episode, seizure or escapee? When do we allow ourselves to just let go and find ourselves again? This is a question I’ve been pondering for a while now.

I do not have the answer yet, and maybe I will never know when this time may be. The important lesson I have learnt and continue to remind myself of is that all that matters is this moment. This exact present moment is all we have and anything else is just a thought. Yes, this can be hard to swallow as we sit in the darkness watching helplessly as your precious little being works through a soaring temperature, shivering in their bed, when you are pulled suddenly from a deep (and much needed) slumber to the sound of vomiting and aspiration or to that feeling and build-up of a seizure where you find yourself helpless and answerless. How did we get here?

Who am I? The life I once had, those many moons ago are a distant memory. A life once full of friends, nights out, shopping sprees, late nights, lazy mornings, last minute dinners out, weekends away, the dream house to purchase, a career to chase and a vision for the life we take for granted. From experience, I can tell you- nothing should be taken for granted. I have learnt that friends may not have been true friends, nights out were fun yet the morning after- not so much! Shopping sprees fill a void then leave us empty, late nights and lazy mornings take up precious time to experience the wonders of the world we are blessed to be a part of. The dream house- is but just a dream and just a house and that career is just a job!

What truly matters more than anything we experience in our life time is the experience of love and gratitude. The key is to love with our whole heart and appreciate all we have, no matter how little this may be, appreciate and be grateful.

Over the past few years where I have been dragged through extreme darkness, bumps and turbulence, there comes a corner. There comes a glimmer of light and with each experience, comes realisation and the increasing awareness for this moment. I cannot control my life, but navigate it through the journey handed to me and I shall navigate with complete compassion, empathy, love, gratitude and with that I discover acceptance.

I accept my life as it is now. I accept that I am in a process of discovery and do not hold the answers. I cannot change my beautiful children and the challenges they face but hold belief and faith that all will be okay.

I am thankful.

“Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life.
It turns what we have into enough, and more.
It turns denial into acceptance,
chaos to order, confusion to clarity.
It can turn a meal into a feast,
a house into a home, a stranger into a friend.
Gratitude makes sense of our past,
brings peace for today,
and creates a vision for tomorrow.”
- Melody Beattie