So as I sit here, pondering on my lack of motivation and enthusiasm for, well anything really, I realise that I need a good slap!
What leads me to this deep crevice of a well where I feel like I am drowning in my own misery? What is it that suddenly turns off the light of the passion and enthusiasm I had not so long a go? A feeling of loneliness, of worry, of doubt, a sense of great frustration with the world around me and anger toward others who seem to advance these feelings. In fact, once I snapped out of that absolute dismal hole I hovered in, a moment of realisation.....it's not just me! Many of us share this hole. Some fall deeper, some just get stuck whilst others know they shouldn't be there and that there is a way out, but how? How do we rise above the pull of gravity which drags us down deeper and deeper? Is it from relying on others to support us and pull us out? Is it just letting 'nature' take its course and see what happens? Or could it be that we actually need to address the issue of what keeps dragging us down to the damp, dismal and quite uninviting well of nothingness?
Hmmmmm, what an interesting concept. To stop feeling worry and guilt, what an amazing feeling that would be. A wise soul recently said ' guilt equals pointless emotions. Never feel guilty for your actions. Everything happens for a reason' (M Avery-Whyte 2013). If you decide to do something, from your heart of hearts then it's all for the greater good. It's when the ego steps in and takes over that your mind starts to play havoc with your thoughts and feelings. Only too often we, human beings, think too much about what others would think. Why? Why do we constantly beat ourselves up about what others think? When the chances are they think just the same as you and given the opportunity to live the same life as you, would probably do things the same way. You can't constantly live your life for someone else or for what you think others want or believe is right. No one has the right answer. The sooner each of us realises this, the better off we would all be.
I personally believe that this is why so many of us land in the well of deep despair and sadness. 'Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.' Steve Jobs. This can be a scary and vulnerable thought to have, but we can't be true to ourselves and lead the life of happiness we deserve if we sit back, unwilling and fearing to do what our heart tells us. Although it may appear frightening and controversial perhaps, if you go with your inner voice, live your passion and follow your dreams then it will all work out, and will be a domino effect. If you continually lead your life in hope that you are making others happy, then that won't do any good. Firstly you are not filling your own life with happiness and joy, and if you don't have that then how can others radiate off of you? To demonstrate your love for yourself and honour to yourself, this is the greatest gift for anyone surrounding you, especially children.
Things do not always turn out the way you thought they would, or the way you believe they should. This is hard enough to understand let alone to act upon. However something I have recently learned is that I have no control over what happens in my life. All I can do is honour each situation and be true to myself by continuing along with my personal beliefs and not questioning myself. 'One of the most tragic things I know about human nature is that all of us tend to put off living. We are all dreaming of some magical rose garden over the horizon – instead of enjoying the roses blooming outside our windows today.' as Dale Carnegie quotes. In essence, I have discovered, and continue to discover that I should count my blessings each day. For the things which have occurred, which are out of my control and no longer worth the constant fight or anguish I must let them go. I must learn to just accept that things are the way they are for a reason and to let the past go. To not sit dormant, wasting each day convincing myself it's the right thing to do...for everyone else.....however I must just be honest to my inner self and honour my dreams and vision and what I want for my life. 'If you are not doing what you love, you are wasting your time', Billy Joel.
It's easy for me to slip into a state of reminiscence about my past, the happy times I once had, when things were simple, care free and easy. What use is that though really? Of course the thoughts are always there, however the time is now. Now is the time to do what we want, otherwise we will be in this same situation, looking back on what we had or could have had but never making the most of what we have in this moment. So I urge anyone hovering or deeply immersed in the well of a melancholy state to please seek that glimmer of hope and happiness. To understand it is a choice, and no-ones but yours. You are the person to get yourself out of that mundane echo of despair and pull yourself out in to the iridescent light and wonder of your own life. You need to own your life, not rely on others to lead you where you want to go.
I will conclude with the wise words from a wise playwright 'go girl, seek happy nights to happy days'. William Shakespear.
