This Too Shall Pass

Just as life seems to be cruising along at a manageable pace.... the change occurs.  Accompanied with a sinking, stomach curdling, anxiety comes the witnessing of dreaded, evil, life changing SEIZURES.

As much as I dread the trip toward the city to the red bricked building full of medical staff I knew this is what had to happen.

Up until a few years ago I knew hospitals only for the delight of bringing into the world newborn babies and fairly simple day case procedures. Until you are thrown into the system un prepared, in disbelief and utter confusion no one can explain the mind shattering,  isolating black hole you so often plummet into.

There is a residue, unseen to the human eye and an odour you do not smell which clings to you as you leave. You are often in disbelief and denial as to the events which happened in that place. At the time its a place you swear you will not be returning anytime soon, however, after time.....comes healing. You start to see it as a place of good intentions from good people, they are just confined to the rules....rules of their role....in that place.

The odour I refer to is that of sickness and pain and worry. As I walked into the brightly lit hustle and bustle of Emergency, there it was....that same old feeling brewing. That time when you step up a notch in protection of any unnecessary intrusive procedures taking place on your fragile child. 

Mothers huddle, holding themselves up behind the curtain cubicle where there little angels scream, helpless. Fathers stare, emotionless, motionless, uncertain of what to do to protect their love ones. For they can not fix it. The screams of blood being taken, catheters inserted, wheeled to X-ray, hours of waiting, endless explaining, yearning for peace and quiet. Longing for silence and calm and life as we once knew it. 

However as a veteran and seeing familiar faces and a warm welcome from doctors and nurses, faith is somewhat restored. The key is knowing and understanding the system. Understanding they are only doing their job.

Appreciating they only want to help, but need to keep a distance at the same time. There is 'keeping a distance' but then there is 'keeping a distance but with compassion'. Coming across that special one who offers a cup of tea, and if a biscuit accompanies it.....what a warm and glowing ray of light it can bring to you in that moment of darkness and disorientation. Its the simple things. 

After the storm there is calm, however the home you once knew never completely feels the same. I don't know what it is, but that seat you used to sit in, nursing your baby, or the smiles you once shared in the hustle bustle of the kitchen, that routine which was rudely encroached upon is just a distant memory, with a sadness attached. Then as you walk in, exhausted, drained, emotionless....a hearty meal left on the kitchen bench, wrapped in a cloth towel from an amazing friend  is enough to budge what was an emotionally wretched day right out the window and make way for the next moment, the next dawn.

For in the moments of absolute darkness, comes that glimmer of hope and light.

“This too shall pass.” ~Persian Sufi poets~